Ten easy steps.
Just ten easy steps.
That's all life should be.
New and improved!
Buy one, get one free!
Few side effects!
Everything's glowy and off-white and slow motion!
May cause soul death!
(But that's okay, because you don't believe in the soul.)
Liver and kidney problems have occurred!
Compromised and corrupted lives have occurred!
Make your home and your rectum smell like everyone else's!
TJ Maxx it!
Bright-smelling colors and Alexa and crushing depression may occur!
Smiley profile pictures with zero relation to reality have happened!
Dust on your dead and decaying dreams is a common occurrence!
Shove 'em under your new bed and mattress which'll take you
a hundred fucking years to pay off, if at all!
Make your brochure shiny!
That's all that matters--
bullet points and glossy pictures and lots of italicized half-truths
outlining a half-lived half-life.
I'm a people person!
Extrovert me, Sally!
Disinfect the new countertops!
Toilet paper! Bottled water!
The emptiness where your soul should be feels
like a Category 5 hurricane over the 9th Circle of Hell!
She's not electable!
Why won't this inner ache go away?
Too cowardly to be myself.
Need a new, stronger prescription!