Thursday, July 11, 2019

Pierwalker Log: July 11, 2019

Writing start: 9:57 A.M.
Finish: 3:28 P.M.
Total new words (est.): 600
Edited (est.): 6400

1. Failure: Off till 8/5

2. Book Three Melody: Off

3. Angel: Book Three: Read-through of chapter three

4. Random Chance Book Two: 200 new words
Notes: Trying not to take too big a bite out of the plot with each writing session. For some reason it is particularly difficult not to with this project.

5. Port Story: Read-through of chapter three

6. Hidden Bookmarks: 400 new words
Notes: I'm looking forward to writing the next bit!

7. LOTR: Off

8. T-Bag: Edited chapter three

Special Projects: None today

Extra notes: Where readership is concerned, there are, truly, only two numbers I should be concerned about: my royalty sum for any given year; and the number of people who are involved with my work beyond being mere lurkers or gankers.

I once had Google Analytics on this blog, tracking every hit it received. It's no longer here. It wasn't giving me information that I found useful.

But then, neither is Blogger's stat-tracker, which comes standard, as it is said, with any blog. I check that thing a dozen times a day, if not more.

It's a waste of time. Again: the only two numbers that count--that truly count--are my royalties and the number of people who comment on blog posts, who write reviews of books of mine that they read, who help evangelize my work, who get involved.

Both of those measures, with respect to this blog and my work, are, as you might expect, very, very low.

For a long time I took that very personally; and the truth is, I still do sometimes. It really can't be helped. But the reality is, it has, ultimately, nothing whatsoever to do with me. It really doesn't. It does, as a matter of simple fact, have everything to do with the insane, moronic, and toxic culture we live in.

This culture rewards, above all things, herd behavior. It rewards suburbanism, which demands you have a brochure. A no-name schlep like me on your brochure? Unheard of! It rewards amatonormativity in all relationships at all times, not just romantic entanglements. It rewards what I call tower worship, which is paying attention only to those "living in the tower" of mass-culture approbation. Nobodies like me deserve nothing. This is the Age of Celebrity, after all, and I'm very, very far from anything approaching a celebrity.

You need to know something. Those of you who are regular visitors to this blog, and who haven't bothered getting involved with it or buying one of my ebooks or leaving helpful reviews, who know about my Reddit community and don't bother with it ... you have earned my contempt. You are part of the disease. You think your actions harm no one, but you're wrong. But that's how it is in this culture, isn't it? No one takes responsibility. And so, our planet is burning.

We live in a culture that rewards your behavior, and condemns mine for calling you out on it. We live in a culture of grotesque selfishness, materialism, and a mass form of insane attention deficit disorder, whereby the price of attention is going to infinity, but the value of that attention is going to negative infinity. You who refuse to get involved? You're part of the disease that perpetuates that insanity.

Aren't you proud?

I have struggled particularly hard the past two weeks with these realities, though I have been aware of them for many years now. My desire for community, for connection ... that's all very healthy and human. Your desire to remain detached and distant, to be a lurker or a filthy stalker ... to gank my hard work without thanks, to pretend it doesn't matter, to behave like a goddamned pinball in a cocaine-addled machine, going here and there and everywhere ... that's all very unhealthy and inhuman. It's fucking rude to boot.

I have lived far too much of my life under such circumstances, under such thinking. It's very oppressive and depressing; it saps my will and it stokes great rage in me. This isn't normal. This isn't healthy.

Not me, asshole--you. You!

I have tolerated "let's blow Shawn off" behavior far too many times by far too many people over far too long a time span.


Here's the thing, though: my stat tracker doesn't tell me if you are a human or not. Google Analytics didn't either, and still doesn't. I doubt if it ever will. The reason is, the only thing that matters to most people is pageviews, because it lifts their sites higher and higher in Google listings. Who gives a fuck if they are mostly bots? Send armies of them!

The truth is, I could be ranting only to bots; I could be posting my hard work only for bots; I could be spending hours and hours each week here only so bots can index it.

I honestly don't know.

Which is why I'm labeling every regular human visitor here who refuses to get involved with this blog or my work a bot. Because from where I'm sitting you're no better than one, and I really don't give a crap if you come back or not, if you read anything more of mine or not. I look upon your suburban bot ass and the only thing I want to do is take a flamethrower to it. Your lifestyle--your deathstyle, more like--is noxious and toxic far beyond this tiny little nothing blog or my writings. And the fact that you refuse to see that, that you defend this hateful culture ... well, that just says it all, doesn't it?


I've honestly considered putting this blog under a password one can only obtain by making a commitment to it, by not treating it as a consumable, by understanding the very hard work I, its creator, put into it, and understanding how little I get from it aside from the sheer love of doing it and feeling like it's a digital safe space for me to huddle in as the human species hurdles towards annihilation.

You unconscious, destructive, hateful fucks.

I may just do it.