He thinks there's a middle way with authoritarians and autocrats.
He thinks there's a middle way with giant oil companies
who lied to us for decades about the harm they were doing to the planet.
He thinks there are still good Republicans.
He has no problem taking corporate cash and cash from lobbyists
and Big Pharma and Big Oil and Big Evil and Bigger Evil and Biggest Evil, too.
It's all good to him.
Oh, no worries:
He'll still represent us--the dirty, filthy, unwashed poor bastards who launder his underwear
and clean his house and hope ICE doesn't come and cart our kids away in the dead of night.
He'll still represent us--those of us who have to work three jobs just to pay rent,
who can't afford our health insurance, who can't afford to fucking breathe.
Oh yeah. He'll have our backs.
He refuses to apologize to Anita Hill.
Oh, he spoke to her, and I'm sure he feels he apologized,
but she sure as hell didn't,
and her opinion on the matter is the only one in the end that actually counts.
But then--he's always been pretty crude with "the ladies," hasn't he?
Smug Uncle Joe. Give 'em a pinch to let them know they're special.
Yeah, yeah, he played second fiddle to one of the greatest presidents in history.
I got it.
But sitting in the Oval Office is a whole other ball of wax, yo.
Obama was moderate. Biden was center.
Both are now deadly in this age of the Orange Ass Boil,
and boiling oceans, and fascism spreading like cancer
over the face of the planet,
with our election security clearly at risk
and Republicans hell-bent not on governing but ruling,
with our Supreme Court no longer a legitimate institution
and Trump judges despoiling the country's judiciary coast-to-coast.
We won't survive center. We won't survive moderate.
And you don't compromise with monsters.
But if it comes down to him or the Orange Ass Boil,
I'll take him.
I'll walk into the voting booth and I'll scrawl a check next to his name.
And then I'll walk out, take a look up into the sky,
and probably begin weeping.
For if he wins,
our doom will only be forestalled a few years compared to the Orange Ass Boil.
For he'll slow-walk the Green New Deal.
He'll slow-walk Medicare For All,
He'll slow-walk dealing with Russia and comrade Putin,
He'll slow-walk anti-trust hearings against Amazon and Facefuck and Google and Apple
and all the rest of them.
He'll want to "compromise" on women's rights and their right to choose
(assuming of course it even exists then);
he doesn't think Net Neutrality is all that big of a deal;
and he'll want to "work with" Republicans.
He'll want to masturbate to the thoughts of bipartisanship and "reaching across the aisle,"
when all those assholes want to do is bend him over the desk and
not even give him a reacharound or a cigarette afterward.
I'll gaze into that sky that day, and I will weep,
and though I am childless,
I will say a prayer for the children of all you ignorant fuckheads
who refused to give far superior candidates a chance.
Candidates with actual courage,
I'll vote for Uncle Joe Biden,
and then I will weep.
For your children will be utterly, totally, bollocking fucked.
And so will this world.