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Monday, July 23, 2018

Pierwalker Log: July 23, 2018

Writing start: 10:06 A.M.
Finish: 2:33 P.M.
Total new words (est.): 1000
Edited (est.): 7700 + Montaigne xscribe


1. Failure: Align edit chapter five

2. Book Three Melody: 500 new words
Notes: Description is difficult. Especially in Yaeko's situation.

3. Watson: Primary edit number two of chapter nine
Notes: Not too bad. Still needs lots of work.

4. Love Story: 500 new words
Notes: The chapter will probably be 6K words.

5. Ant story: Off till 8/4.

6. Fractalverse: Off

7. Firefly: Off

8. Gilligan: Read-through

Special. Montaigne Transcribe: A very long, confused paragraph on Alexander. I'm only halfway through it.

Extra notes: There is never a time when I'm not hovering very close to zero. Such has it been the balance of my life.

It's scary. But in many ways it's freeing as well. I'm free, for example, of people's expectations of me. There are none, because no one either cares that I'm alive, or knows that I'm alive (excepting Kye, of course).

I dream still of teaching and coaching; and almost always in Fort Collins, where I was born and raised, and where I spent nearly forty years of my life. I can't stand that I still do. I'm pretty sure that had I stuck with teaching, I'd not be alive now. It is a thankless career, rife with politics and power-mongering, with overzealous suburban parents and utterly indifferent ones.

I wish those dreams would go away.

My choice to write, to strike out on my own, hasn't been stress-free. Very far from it. There are no career choices that don't come with a heapin' helpin' of shit sandwiches, to touch on Elizabeth Gilbert's take of the topic. But I am still alive. I'm finally doing what I want to do with my life, not what others think I should be doing, and not what "society" has demanded I do.

None of it has been easy. And I am just above zero.

But I am still alive.